If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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