One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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