i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
