When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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