even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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