I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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