i just google imaged poop.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
