im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
