i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My vagina just clenched in fear
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
