i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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