69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
