Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
