just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
