I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
