I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
