gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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