I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
