we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
