i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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