The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
