Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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