with your own penis?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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