your parents love me but you hate me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
