loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the day after is always just damage control
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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