you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
