dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
