he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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