perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
