Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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