if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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