I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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