I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
