rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
