Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
