I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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