There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
