i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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