The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
