Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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