well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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