I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
