I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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