i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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