Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
