walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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