Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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