when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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