I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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