I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
