I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
