I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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