I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
