I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's blow job season.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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