I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
