I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
