I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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